I Have Talented Friends- Share the Love- Be a Guest Blogger!

I'm so blessed to have the most LOVING and TALENTED friends. I am constantly AMAZED at how CREATIVE they are. Some of my friends are FANTASTIC COOKS, some are really good at ARTS & CRAFTS and SCRAP BOOKING, and ALL are WITTY and INSIGHTFUL, with helpful ADVICE and INSPIRATION to share!

So, all my family, friends and followers out there, SHARE YOUR TALENT and join NW Momma by being a GUEST BLOGGER!

I know you do something AMAZING.

I know you have something to SHARE.

Come on, it's EASY. 

Share a favorite RECIPE.

Show us how to MAKE SOMETHING.

Tell us what INSPIRES and ENCOURAGES you.

YOU are TALENTED and AMAZING and YOU INSPIRE and ENCOURAGE me everyday! I want to share you with the whole bloggy world! 

You can email me at katrincrum@hotmail.com or let me know on my NW Momma facebook page, or leave a COMMENT here.

I'm looking forward to seeing who my first GUEST BLOGGER will be!

There is joy in the journey!

Thanks friends,

Kat

Why I Kicked Perfectionism to the Curb (and why you should, too) Part 2

Hello, my name is Kat and I'm a recovering Perfectionist........

Sometimes I feel this is how I should introduce myself.... it would explain so much! I think many people, especially women and moms in particular, share the same struggle I do with Perfectionism. It's tough out there in "Mommy World". We put tremendous pressure on ourselves to be the PERFECT MOM. Many of us strive to be THAT MOM: beautiful, organized, with beautiful, well behaved, brilliant children, living happy, well-adjusted lives with everything going perfectly all the time....the very picture of  PERFECTION. Well, I have come to learn THAT MOM does NOT EXIST. I'm here to encourage you, to LIGHTEN UP on yourself. Quit comparing yourself to other moms and the fantasy of THAT MOM. Get a cup of coffee, sit down, spend 5 minutes reading this post and let me save you years of MISERY. Let me share with you how to recognize PERFECTIONISM and how to OVERCOME it.

In Part 1, we learned that Perfectionism, while not an addiction like alcoholism, is a powerful BELIEF. Perfectionists believe that perfection can and should be attained and that any work (or output) that isn't perfect is unacceptable.  We also learned that Perfectionism has both a positive and negative side. On the positive side, Perfectionism can be a driving force which enables people to overcome great obstacles and achieve their goals. Many top athletes, famous artists and people of great achievement have been known to have perfectionist tendencies. On the flip side, the negative aspects of Perfectionism are many and can be damaging: low self-esteem, difficulties in intimate relationships, depression and workaholism to name a few.. I'm here to tell you, THE NEGATIVE SIDE OF PERFECTIONISM FAR OUTWEIGHS ANY POSITIVE BENEFITS!!!!

Maybe you're not a full-blown Perfectionist like I was (I'm in recovery, remember?)  Maybe you just dabble in it once in awhile, just sticking your big toe in that murky and churning water every so often when the pressure of your life builds. No matter the level of your experience with Perfectionism, you need to recognize the signs of it, so you can stop before you find yourself drowning in self-loathing and anxiety. Here are a few questions to ask yourself. BE HONEST.

1) Do you feel like a failure if there are areas of your life which aren't perfect?
2) Do you feel extreme anxiety when you think you may have made a mistake?
3) Do you have a difficult time admitting you were wrong?
4) Are you overly critical of yourself?
5) Are you critical of others at times?
6) Do you find it difficult to take a compliment, or accolade?
7) Are you a workaholic? Do you put goals ahead of relationships?
8) Do you eat too much? (Due to anxiety/stress)
9) Do you eat too little?(Due to anxiety/stress)
10) Do you think you "could have done better" on a given task, even if it was done well?
11) Do you procrastinate at times because you want to be able to accomplish a task perfectly?

If you see yourself in the above questions, you may be struggling with Perfectionism and if you are, you know the pain it is causing in your life. However, there is HOPE. Recognizing it is the first step! Good for you! Now you can begin the process of RECOVERY. Trust me friend, I'm right there with you and you'll be so glad you did!
Okay, so what now?  How do we keep our Perfectionism in check? Here are some of the things that have helped me immensely in my struggle to stop using Perfectionism as a coping tool and start coping in a more healthy manner. I hope they'll help you, too!

1) Do my best, and Give God the rest--- All we can do is try our best. THAT'S IT. That is all that is required of us and all we can do. If you have given it your all, then turn the rest over to God. This leads us to our next step....

2) Turn it over to God and then LEAVE IT THERE. Don't pick it back up again. You've done your best, now LEAVE IT. Don't continue to obsess, worry and second-guess. Just know that you gave it your all and MOVE ON.

3) Be KIND to yourself. Would you ever treat a friend the way you treat yourself? Heck no! We are so good at encouraging others, but can't seem to do that for ourselves. You aren't perfect and that's okay, nobody is! Remind yourself of what you have accomplished, the blessings you have in your life, the people who love you. If you are as bad as you think you are, would you have so much GOOD in your life?

4) Accept failure. Now I'm the first one to say we should strive to do our best, and we should, but the reality is we are going to fail at times. It's OKAY. It's NORMAL. It's NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. Put it in perspective and LEARN FROM IT. Be the fist to admit it. Laugh about it if you can!

5) Don't take yourself and life TOO SERIOUSLY. Really, we need to lighten up on ourselves. If the house isn't perfect, the Christmas card photo isn't just right, if we make a mistake at work, what is the worst that can happen REALLY? People won't stop liking and loving you just because you made a mistake. In fact, when you're not acting so darn PERFECT all the time, they might be able to relate to you more!

I hope these posts on Perfectionism have been helpful to you. I struggled for so many years, and still do, but I'm here to tell you that you can overcome Perfectionism and lead a more fulfilled and joy-filled life! Sometimes it rears it's ugly head when you least expect it, but you can recognize it and decide NOT TO STAY there in that angst-ridden place. You can kick it to the curb in that moment, until you need to kick it to the curb next time! There is JOY in the Journey!

Thanks friends,
Kat

Why I've Kicked Perfectionism to the Curb (and you should too) PART 1

Perfectionism , is a belief that perfection can and should be attained. In its pathological form, perfectionism is a belief that work or output that is anything less than perfect is unacceptable. At such levels, this is considered an unhealthy belief, and psychologists typically refer to such individuals as maladaptive perfectionists.
___________________________________________________________________________
I had one of "THOSE" mornings this morning. My sweet hubby, who is up before me, usually wakes me up at the same time every morning, woke me up late and my whole morning was off to a rocky start. I was running late, and it seemed the kids were moving in slow motion! I was barking at everyone. I was grouchy. I was stressed. I didn't want my youngest daughter to be late to school and so I was running around like a crazy woman and did I mention I was grouchy?

After I dropped my daughter off at school ( she made it on time, but barely), I took a moment to look at why I was feeling so much anxiety. I concluded it's my old friend and nemesis, Perfectionism, rearing it's ugly head again.

I have struggled with perfectionism most of my life. As a child I remember when I was learning to print in school, erasing my letters over and over again to get them "perfect". As a teen it surfaced in other ways. On the surface I didn't look like a perfectionist. My room was messy, I would often procrastinate on my homework, then cram to get it done at the last minute. ( I found out later that procrastination is a sign of perfectionism).  But here's the thing, despite my messy room, I wanted to look perfect and went to great lengths to do so. Even though I crammed, I still wanted to get really good grades and for the most part, I did. The perfectionism was still there, under the surface, pushing me. 

My struggle with perfectionism really kicked into high gear in college. I started college as a single, unwed mother at age 19, with a 12 month-old daughter. To say I was overwhelmed, is an understatement. Alone in Seattle, balancing parenting, a full load of college classes, and two jobs, at times it felt impossible. But I was determined. I was driven. I would not accept failure. At that time perfectionism was my friend. I used it to my advantage. During most of those 4 years I was seriously sleep deprived. I would go to class and then to work, take care of my daughter in the evenings with dinner, bath time and bedtime, and then would start my homework after she fell asleep. For most of those four years I slept an average of 4-5 hours per night. It wasn't the perfectionism that motivated me, I wanted my daughter to have a better life and I knew I had to get a college degree in order to do that. She was my biggest motivator, but perfectionism was the faulty coping mechanism I drew upon in order to get it done. I ended up graduating with a B.A. in Communication with a minor in Journalism in the top 10% of my class. Yes, perfectionism does have a positive side.

I continued to use perfectionism as a coping tool in my career and saw the benefits. I tended to be a workaholic, and was loved by my employers because I was always willing to go the extra mile to "get it done". I was an employers dream. I needed no outside motivation, I provided it for myself. I was my own worst critic and judge. I kept striving to do better and better and to be more and more perfect. I didn't need my boss to give me a pep talk, I was always pushing myself. The result?  I was really good at my job. I won awards. I was recognized as one of the best in my field. My clients loved me because I was constantly striving to make them happy. A strong work ethic I learned from my mom and wanting to help people, were my motivation, but Perfectionism drove me.

According to the authors of the book "Too Perfect" perfectionism can have a positive and negative side:

"In a positive form, perfectionism can provide the driving energy which leads to great achievement. The meticulous attention to detail, necessary for scientific investigation, the commitment which pushes composers to keep working until the music realizes the glorious sounds playing in the imagination, and the persistence which keeps great artists at their easels until their creation matches their conception all result from perfectionism".

Further more, researchers have found, high-achieving athletes, scientists, and artists often show signs of perfectionism. For example, Michelangelo's perfectionism may have spurred him to create masterpieces such as the statue David  and the Sistine Chapel. Perfectionism is associated with giftedness in children. (Perfectionism in psychology, reference.com)

So, perfectionism can have a positive side, but I argue the down side of Perfectionism outweighs any potential benefits!

Inits pathological form, perfectionism can be very damaging. It can contribute to underachievement, procrastination, fear of failure, the all-or-nothing mindset, paralyzed perfectionism, and workaholism.
In intimate relationships, unrealistic expectations can cause significant dissatisfaction for both partners . Perfectionists may sacrifice family and social activities in the quest for their goals.
Perfectionists can suffer anxiety and low self-esteem. Perfectionism is a risk factor for obsessive-compulsive disorder, eating disorders, self harm and clinical depression.


So how does the negative side of perfectionism affect my life personally? Oh, let me count the ways!

I'm never fully happy with myself.
I don't enjoy compliments, awards or accolades because deep down I don't feel I deserve them.
I often feel like a failure.
I often feel I could have done better.
I have a hard time admitting I am wrong.
I put unrealistic expectations on myself. 
I put unrealistic expectations on others.
I'm often critical of myself.
I'm often critical of others.
I have a need to feel in control.
I don't feel joy when I should.
I'm often afraid of failing.

Reading this list reminds me of how much perfectionism has cost me, no ROBBED me of the some of the joy in my life. It's really such a terrible trap. It's a trap because even when you strive and strive and achieve success, the perfectionism doesn't allow you to enjoy it! So, is it a good way to cope? Obviously, the answer is NO. And of course, there's the obvious fact: NO ONE IS PERFECT, EVER. We know all this logically, but unconsciously, we are driven to keep trying. WHY? Because it is a way to feel safe.


According to Mallinger and DeWyze, the authors of "Too Perfect",  "Perfectionists are obsessives who need to feel in control at all times to protect themselves and ensure their own safety. By being constantly vigilant and trying extremely hard, they can ensure that they not only fail to disappoint or are beyond reproach but that they can protect against unforeseen issues."

Growing up with an alcoholic and abusive father, who abandoned his family only to return periodically and terrorize them, my home life was often emotionally chaotic. I can see why I developed perfectionism as a faulty coping mechanism. I wanted to have control over something in my life. I couldn't control my parents divorce, my father's alcoholism and subsequent anger and violence, but I could control me. As a child I thought if I was good enough, my father would love me and everything would be better. This began my life-long struggle with perfectionism. 

STAY TUNED FOR PART 2 TOMORROW: 

SIGNS YOU ARE A PERFECTIONIST AND HOW TO OVERCOME IT

See you then! Would love to hear your comments on this post!
Thanks friends,
Kat

NEW BOGO! Buy One, Get One Free MASSAGE- exclusive offer for NW Momma followers!

Just in time for the holidays, NW Momma is excited to announce an AMAZING offer for NW Momma followers only! A buy one free, get one free event sponsored by Licensed Massage Therapist, Leanne Kuhlman, of Waterland Wellness Massage!

Buy one (1 hour) Massage for regular price ($65.00) and get a second (1 hour) Massage for FREE!

Wow! That's a $65.00 value! Buy a massage for yourself and give one as a gift for a friend!
Makes a GREAT gift!

Here are the simple details of this offer:
1) You must be a "follower" of NW Momma. It's easy to join as a follower, just click the "Become A Follower" on the right hand side of my blog.
2) You must mention NW Momma when purchasing your Massage(s).
3) This offer is valid only when purchased and booked with Leanne Kuhlman at the Waterland Wellness Massage location in Des Moines, WA.
4) This offer expires Jan 5, 2011.


Please contact Leanne Kuhlman directly at the number below to take advantage of this FANTASTIC offer!

Leanne Kuhlman, LMP
Licensed Massage Therapist

WaterlandWellness Massage

www.waterlandwellness.com
22014 7th Avenue South
Suite 106
Des Moines, WA 98198
(206) 824-1441

NW Momma is now on FACEBOOK and a NEW EMAIL SUBSCIPTION feature!

I'm so excited for a couple of reasons! First, NW Momma now has it's own facebook page! You can become a "FAN" and keep up on all the latest posts and giveaways right from your facebook page! You'll notice on the right hand side I've added a tab that says "FAN ME ON FACEBOOK", you can just click on that and viola! you'll "Like" NW Momma on your facebook page!

Also, I've added a new EMAIL SUBSCRIPTION tab on the right hand side as well, which is so handy because it allows you to receive the latest posts from NW Momma right in your email inbox! It's super easy and ensures you won't miss a thing on NW Momma!

And finally, I'm super excited because tomorrow I'm announcing a special BOGO (buy one, get one free) offer for NW Momma followers only! It's a fantastic offer you won't want to miss as it involves a FREE MASSAGE!

I'm so happy to extend NW Momma to facebook and make it convenient for you to get recent posts in your email inbox. I'd love to hear from you! Leave a comment and connect!

Check in tomorrow for the FREE MASSAGE BOGO! And thanks again to all my friends, family and followers who are giving me such wonderful encouragement in the creation of NW Momma!

Together In Our Shared Journey- Creating A Meaningful Gift

As we approach the holidays and enter the season of gift-giving, I'm always trying to find meaningful gifts to give my friends and family. As I reflect on some of the most meaningful gifts I've been fortunate enough to receive over the years, one in particular stands out in my mind; a lovely haiku written by my niece Laura.

Haiku is centuries-old, traditional Japanese poetry consisting of three phrases. The first line must have 5 syllables, the second line must have 7 syllables and the third line must have 5 syllables. Laura's haiku written for me described some of the traits she appreciated about me. I was amazed at how those three little phrases could be so touching and personal. I think this is why people love to write (and read) haiku; they are brief, but deeply meaningful.

Many of us were taught, and maybe even tried our hand at writing haiku in elementary school. This is the beauty of this type of poetry, even children can understand the simple format and and can learn to express themselves by writing haiku. This form of poetry lends itself to a variety of topics. The sky's the limit!  A favorite vacation, a best friend, the family pet, the changing seasons or a special holiday could be a good start for a child's haiku, or yours for that matter! To start, begin brainstorming and writing down thoughts about your given topic. Then work your thoughts into phrases using the the 5-7-5 format. The following is a very simple example of this format:

To write a haiku (5)
One must be able to count (7)
To five and seven (5)

As you can see, it's very simple! As I've started learning more about haiku, I've found some nifty sites devoted to haiku writing. One that I love is www.haikuwithteeth.com. It has a handy syllable counter that lets you type in the phrase you want to use and it will tell you exactly how many syllables it contains. Another useful website is www.thesaurus.com, where you can find more interesting words to liven up your writing. I encourage you to try writing haiku! Once you start, you'll see why it has been so popular for so long.

As you search for a personal and meaningful gift to give this holiday season, I hope you'll consider writing haiku! One idea is to include your children and spend some time writing haiku together, and then create a book of poetry to give as gifts...what grandparent wouldn't love that?

I hope you'll share your haiku with me here at NW MOMMA in the comment section below this post. I'd love to hear from you!

Here's the haiku Laura wrote for me:

Katrin
Emerald green eyes
A courageous heart beats
Holds wisdom inside

I was so touched, I wanted to return the favor, so here's a haiku I wrote for Laura.....


Laura
Kindly globe trotter
Speaking languages of love
Steadfast secret twin

And here's one I wrote about Christmas eve at our house......

Christmas Eve
Sweet children laughing
Smells cozy of fir tree and cider
Peace and love live here


Happy Holidays and Happy Writing!

TOGETHER IN MAKING MEMORIES-- Christmas Magic Thanks to Mom

I absolutely love the holidays. Despite the hectic schedule, the overwhelming shopping to-do list, and the crowded stores, I still look forward to this special time of the year. I owe my love of all-things-Christmas to my mom. She took extra time and care to make sure the holidays were a special time for my five siblings and me. Mom would start right after the Thanksgiving festivities ended, and the transformation of our somewhat shabby 1909 Victorian house would begin in earnest.

First, my older brother and I would be sent out on a quest for the perfect tree. Our old Victorian had very tall ceilings, so Mom insisted we find a tree at least 12 feet tall. So off my brother and I would go, to our favorite place in the woods a few miles from our home. Looking back, I think we must have been tromping around on some one's private property, (and chopping down their trees), but I was just a kid at the time, and so I always told myself my brother had probably asked permission first...at least I hoped he had!

One year we had an early and heavy snowfall which left nearly four feet of snow on the ground, and the hike through the woods was especially difficult. Finally, frozen to the bone and exhausted, we found the perfect tree! My brother chopped it down and we hauled it through the snow back to my brother's truck, which was no small feat. A 12 foot tree is heavy! We were so excited to show it to Mom. We set it up in the tree stand, expecting a gasp of joy from Mom, but the look on her face said it all. It just wasn't quite right. We turned it, trimmed the branches, put the bare spot in the back, but to no avail. We had learned all too well early on in our job as official "Christmas Tree Hunters", Mom had a penchant for being a bit picky about her tree. So, off we went, back out in the cold and snow to find another one. We finally did find the perfect tree, Mom was thrilled and soon the decorating began!

The decorating always started with Mom bringing out her Santa collection and her antique ornaments from their secret hiding place. I looked forward each year to the same, familiar ornaments being unwrapped. It was comforting to me to unwrap each one of those precious symbols of my family's shared Christmas past. As I unwrapped and hung up each one, I would call to mom, "Oh Momma, here's your favorite Santa!" or, "Here's the one I made for you in second grade!" Each one had a story, a warm feeling, a good memory attached.  As I carefully unwrapped each one I'd think, "..some good things never change."

Our family traditions were like a life preserver for me during confusing and chaotic times throughout my childhood.. After twenty years in a difficult marriage, my mother finally divorced my father, who was an abusive alcoholic.  Then about a year later, remarried a sweet and gentle bachelor, who loved her so much he was willing to take on a ready-made family with six children ranging in ages from 2 to 19. Despite his love, looking back, I realize it must have been incredibly difficult at times for my mother. She was in her 40's, a working mother of six, divorced, remarried and drained emotionally from all she had been through. But yet, she wanted us to have wonderful memories of Christmas. She probably didn't feel much like celebrating at times, but she never let on. She just smiled, portrayed a happy attitude and tried to give us the best Christmas she could. Despite being a "working mom" outside the home, she decorated our house, hosted and cooked the Christmas dinner for all of our extended family and more than a few friends, (sometimes up to 30 people in all) and gave us six kids as many of the gifts on our wish list as she could. It was only later as an adult,  I found out my mother didn't really like to cook, money was terribly tight and she was exhausted most of the time during those years. But, my mother sacrificed to create Christmas magic for us. She transformed our "broken home" into a warm and beautiful place. It was happy. It was filled with joy. It was filled with laughter. It was filled with love. It was, in a word..... magical.

As I grew older, learned Santa wasn't real, and the wonder of childhood was replaced with the wisdom of age, the magic dimmed a little, but it never completely faded. When I'd return home from college and see those familiar decorations and unwrap those special ornaments, I would once again feel the the magic envelope me. My love of Christmas and so much more, I owe to my mom. She taught me the value of creating memories for my children. She showed me the real magic of Christmas is in giving, not in receiving. Because of her, I know no matter what our family may be going through, I want my children to share the laughter, feel the love, and experience the magic of Christmas. I want them to know in their hearts, some good things never change.

TOGETHER IN SHARING- Thank you NW Momma Followers!

Thank you to all my friends, family and "followers" for your support of NW Momma! In this first week, NW Momma has been viewed over 250 times and already has 11 "Followers", all thanks to you! I cannot express how much your support, encouraging comments and emails have meant to me! My mission in creating NW Momma was to give women a place to come to get creative ideas to promote family fun and togetherness.  I wanted to create a place where women would feel encouraged and uplifted. I also wanted to support working moms, SAHM's (stay at home moms) and WAHM's (work from home moms), because I believe EVERY MOM IS A WORKING MOM and needs our support!

I want NW Momma to not just be "my" place to share ideas, but YOUR place as well. Do you know of a great business you'd like to see highlighted? Do have a super yummy recipe you'd like to share? Do you have a topic you like to write about as a "Guest Blogger"? Do you own a business yourself you'd like to advertise on NW Momma? Do you have a product you'd like me to try and review? Just let me know and I'm more than happy to share this blog, this community, with you!

Stay connected to NW Momma for more easy and delicious recipes, fun day trips, simple arts and crafts and fun FREEBIES and GIVEAWAYS. And even better, stay connected to get your daily dose of NW Momma support and encouragement!

Kat

P.S. Contact me with your ideas at katrincrum@hotmail.com  

TOGETHER IN THANKSGIVING- Finding Meaning Amid The Chaos

As Thanksgiving approaches each year, I try to focus my family's attention on all the things we should be thankful for. I know it's important to be thankful all year long, not just around the holidays, but if I can get us all in the proper mindset (an attitude of gratitude) before we are bombarded by non-stop holiday advertising and the ensuing shopping chaos, then maybe I can head off a complete hedonistic melt-down by December 25th. Now don't get me wrong, I believe kids should receive gifts at Christmas and a certain amount of spoiling is down-right American, but I refuse to let it become solely about the presents. It's a lofty goal, I admit, but one I believe can be achieved. Let me share with you the story of one NW Momma, my friend Jill, who is succeeding in helping her family keep their focus on the real "reason for the season".

When her children were still quite young, Jill made a very wise decision. In agreement with her husband, Jill decided to limit the number of Christmas gift to three gifts per child. She is a Christian and each year on Christmas recounts to her children the story of the three wise men and the three gifts they gave to the new-born King, before each child receives their three gifts. This has been their family tradition for years and she told me it has been the best thing she and her husband have ever done as parents. As she shared her unique tradition with me, I have to be honest, I couldn't hide my shock! Our conversation went something like this:

Me (with a shocked look on my face):
"Only three gifts each? Isn't that a little harsh and..... amazingly...affordable?" I stammered.

Jill (looking calm):
"If three gifts were enough for JESUS, then three gifts are certainly enough for my kids too."

Me (with a disbelieving look still on my face):
"But, what about the whining?" I inquired, "What about the weeping and gnashing of teeth? Don't you fear a Christmas Day mutiny?"

Jill (Still calm):
"Nope. They don't whine. It's all they know. They only expect three gifts, so they're happy with three."

Me (looking like I just a light bulb moment, because I did):
"Wow.........."

I was stunned and impressed! I told you she was wise! Jill went on to explain that since she and her husband only buy three gifts for each child, they slow down, take their time and really think about what would make each child most happy. It was all about the quality, not the quantity. She also explained that with the money they saved by not overspending on gifts for the kids, they had enough in their budget for each child to purchase a gift for a needy child in their community. Each child chooses a tag off the Giving Tree at their church and then shops for the gift the needy child requests. The gift requests are often very basic items, such as pajamas and socks, which teaches her children that even some of the most basic things they take for granted are a gift to a child who has nothing. By incorporating their faith into the act of giving and receiving gifts, she has given her children maybe the best gift of all: meaning. Her children understand the true meaning of the season and the traditions that go along with it.

Now for some of us, (me included)  it's probably too late to start this only-three-gifts practice, but it's never too late to teach our children the real meaning of the holidays. I'm thinking this year our family can save up to donate to a charity, volunteer together at a local food bank or buy a gift for a needy child. With so much to be thankful for, and with so many people in our own neighborhoods and around the world struggling, now is the perfect time to start a tradition of giving of our own and find some real meaning amid the chaos.